this beer tastes like vomit already
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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