I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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