He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
