you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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