i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
