My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
