Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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