he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
