He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
