So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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