you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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