Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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