I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
People in love make me want to vomit
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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