My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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