I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
