I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
