does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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