It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize