i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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