My sheets look like a crime scene.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
