I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
