Im just a social blackout drinker.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
