Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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