This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize