i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
