So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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