I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Terrible idea I love it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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