Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The air was thick with penises
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
