Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
