I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
