it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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