Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
