Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize