That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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