I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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