It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This is my gift to your gina
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
