Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
