all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
