I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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