Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
