I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
