so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
