if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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