Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
