I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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