Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
false alarm. still invincible.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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