Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
