He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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