you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
