the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
