I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
