so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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