my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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