I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
