All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
do herpes really smell.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
