similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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