Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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