I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This is my gift to your gina
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
