But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
