I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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