one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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