If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
