gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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