i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
