True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
