i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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