When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
