I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
