I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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