My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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