he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
