i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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