she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
