I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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