At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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