i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
