i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
