She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
