i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
