is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
