so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
