To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
