How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize