So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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