I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
