Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
