Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
