sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
