Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
