I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
