Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize