God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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