There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
