i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
